Narcaleptic Little Women

It's 7am... And I haven't slept at all. One of many nights withouth sleep. I tried reading, writing, tea, other stuff... and having the tv doesn't help. My eyes were wide open for three movies, the last of which was the 1990's rendition of Little Women. It's funny, I remember getting that book for Christmas the year before the movie came out. I was so excited to read it again, because I knew that Christian Bale was to star in the coming box office hit. And we all know how yummy he is. So I tore through that book, while constantly envisioning myself as Jo, beign much adored by the handsome and gentle Christian Bale (you have to remember I was only 13).... Until the end when he ends up bangin Jo's little sister.

Irrrreeegaaaardless.... I found myself dropping a few suprise tears, then a few scenes later, a bit of a cry emerged... that soon passed, and about an hour in to the movie-I was sobbing like I did the first time I got benched for throwing a fit on the field in little league. What is the deal. Well, it's a beautiful story, and it's very human, internal, and emotional.
Here I go again....
There aren't a lof of things like that anymore, at least readily available, and since almost everything is readily available, we have to search for the good stuff.

I want to sit with my children every day and read them stories, until they are teenagers. I want my house to be small enough so that you can smell the fireplace and the stove from every room in the house. I want all of my clothes and all of my shoes to be able to fit in to a small chest of drawers, and I want to have a relationship with everything in my home, and everyone around my home...
I want my dogs and my kids and my husband to have dirty feet and hands at least once a day, and when the linens smell fresh, or the wood in the house smells of violet and vanilla, I want it to be from fresh herbs from the garden, and newly picked wild flowers, and not from chemicals or anything brought home in the back of a minivan.

Why is it that we are so drawn towards or attracted to new things? Or the most up to date products? Why do we find plastic childrens toys so apealling? Why don't we cherish our family heirlooms and take care of them... perhaps it is because we dont' really take care of anything anymore. You can always go buy a new one, whatever it is, just down the road. It breaks my heart. It breaks my heart in pieces. The excess of things, the desire to have stuff, what is that, what does it mean, why do I feel I am a part of it, because I am, no matter how badly I want to be naked of it, no matter how I try and shed it, I still pull from its' branches fairly regularly.
I'm working on it, I'm baby stepping, but damnit, am I going about it right. However it is happening, the less I feel it amongst me, the more I feel in touch with myself and the music, and the heartbeat, and the earth, the dirty, dirty, fabulously romantic earth.