Narcaleptic Little Women

It's 7am... And I haven't slept at all. One of many nights withouth sleep. I tried reading, writing, tea, other stuff... and having the tv doesn't help. My eyes were wide open for three movies, the last of which was the 1990's rendition of Little Women. It's funny, I remember getting that book for Christmas the year before the movie came out. I was so excited to read it again, because I knew that Christian Bale was to star in the coming box office hit. And we all know how yummy he is. So I tore through that book, while constantly envisioning myself as Jo, beign much adored by the handsome and gentle Christian Bale (you have to remember I was only 13).... Until the end when he ends up bangin Jo's little sister.

Irrrreeegaaaardless.... I found myself dropping a few suprise tears, then a few scenes later, a bit of a cry emerged... that soon passed, and about an hour in to the movie-I was sobbing like I did the first time I got benched for throwing a fit on the field in little league. What is the deal. Well, it's a beautiful story, and it's very human, internal, and emotional.
Here I go again....
There aren't a lof of things like that anymore, at least readily available, and since almost everything is readily available, we have to search for the good stuff.

I want to sit with my children every day and read them stories, until they are teenagers. I want my house to be small enough so that you can smell the fireplace and the stove from every room in the house. I want all of my clothes and all of my shoes to be able to fit in to a small chest of drawers, and I want to have a relationship with everything in my home, and everyone around my home...
I want my dogs and my kids and my husband to have dirty feet and hands at least once a day, and when the linens smell fresh, or the wood in the house smells of violet and vanilla, I want it to be from fresh herbs from the garden, and newly picked wild flowers, and not from chemicals or anything brought home in the back of a minivan.

Why is it that we are so drawn towards or attracted to new things? Or the most up to date products? Why do we find plastic childrens toys so apealling? Why don't we cherish our family heirlooms and take care of them... perhaps it is because we dont' really take care of anything anymore. You can always go buy a new one, whatever it is, just down the road. It breaks my heart. It breaks my heart in pieces. The excess of things, the desire to have stuff, what is that, what does it mean, why do I feel I am a part of it, because I am, no matter how badly I want to be naked of it, no matter how I try and shed it, I still pull from its' branches fairly regularly.
I'm working on it, I'm baby stepping, but damnit, am I going about it right. However it is happening, the less I feel it amongst me, the more I feel in touch with myself and the music, and the heartbeat, and the earth, the dirty, dirty, fabulously romantic earth.

A lot?

Five things I think are impossible...
My Mom told me about a sermon she watched on television today. The pastor spoke about our faith in the Lord; and our faith in ourselves. How the majority of people walk around believing that God will take care of them. That God can make anything happen. Whether you believe God, energy, higher powers, yourself, and/or all of the above, whatever you believe in...
Although we believe that we will be taken care of, that these entities of strength see no boundaries, and their powers are limitless, we somehow find a capacity for things that are IMpossible. How is it that we find a place for a constant stream of IMPOSSIBILITIES if we speak as if we have faith that anything can be done and nothing should be given up on.
The pastor asked the viewers to make a list of 5 things that they themselves believe to be impossible, that even though they trust in God, they still think these things that they are to write down cannot be done or undone.
It suprised me that I had 5 things to write down. I really thought my heart and my mind were more open.
So I wrote my list.
1. A world without intentional violence and war.
2. A world of complete sustainable living.
3. A world where animals do not suffer by the hand of man.
4. I am completely comfortable, aware, and joyed with my body and appearance.
5. I find love and a kindred spirit again that gives me no doubt of serenity and peace.

Why do I feel these things are impossible? When... in the broad sprectrum of things, these are the things that play on my inner dialog daily. These are the things I work towards. The first three.... these are the things that I work towards changing. I want this to happen so much, but I struggle with the vast amount of people that are on the othere side of it, contributing towards the violence, the need for resources, and seperating themselves from the source of their food, products, and daily habits.
The fourth and the fifth I didnt' realize I saw as impossible. Perhaps it's just because I haven't given them a chance in the past few years, because I've been so focused on the other three. I feel old, I feel bleh... Not firm... however, I KNOW.... that these are not impossible. It is up to me. It helps to write these things down.
And even though I still wonder about the first three, it will only get better if I continue to work in efforts to take the edges off, and if more do that, the smaller the problems will get. Violence and suffering have to be replaced with something. The less of that, the more of the other stuff, which is undoubtedly better than any phsyical pain.

Do you have a list? Why don't you trust that God can make these things happen? I just wanted to talk about it.

Lou Reed, Billy Joel, and Rita the boxer.

As I write this, Maggie is lying next to me, very upset that I won't continue to pet her while she falls asleep. Have I mentioned how much I love my dog? We had quite a day. But I didn't get on the computer to talk about my dog, and the unconditional love that lies therein.

I had a beautiful, dare I say perfect, day? I made choices for my health over my desire, and that is a habit I am looking to make constant.

The morning was busy, I opened at work, and saw a familiar face that I still wonder why is so unfamiliar now, and how it came to be that way. I care for someone in a human way, no more, and want them to be happy... I know I know... this is pretty standard stuff, but I wonder how a friendship can escape in to a reborn atmosphere of strangers. How do we go back to that. Well, we did, and so it is... I wish all the blessings in the world for him.

I had a fun time at work, got my ass handed to me a little bit, but I would prefer that over crickets any day. I had myself an amazing lunch, protein and vitamin packed, colorful and clean, just how I like em. Came home, took Mags for our evening walk down to Kellogg. This is where it got journal-worthy.

As I was rocking out on my Ipod, to some very jammable Amy Winehouse, a nice woman drove by with a dog in the passenger seat... "Have you seen a medium sized black dog without a collar?" she asked. I went on to find out she was missing "Shady", enter character one. Shady lives on 68th and Long, and decided to go for a solo adventure. She drove on looking, and I promised to keep an eye out. This is where my music was put on the backburner, and Shady was my new priority. Maggie Mae and I got to Kellogg and she did her standard program as I tried different dog calls for my new MIA pooch. I decided tonight that even thought it was dark, and that I usually stay in the "kinda" well lit areas, (as well as it can be on SE Powell and surrounding)... But tonight, I was on a mission. I walked head strong right through that creepy as hell alley in between the gymnasium and school building--ready for anything. I convinced myself that if I did not do this that I would regret it for the rest of my life (by the way, if you ever really want to do something but are too scared, this works really really well... the thought that you will regret it for the rest of your life, makes it so much easier to pull the trigger). So I pulled out my little pocket knife and made it happen. I did a little victory dance on the other side, and checked that off my list of things to probably not make a habit of.

I stopped every person on the street the whole way home, and told them of the search that was happening in the area, they agreed to keep an eye out. I met a nice young couple playing fetch with their two boxers in a parking lot. Rita the black and white boxer, took quite a liking to Maggie. So the rest of the way home I continued to call for Shady. One block from home, a med/large white dog without a collar comes across the street. Now this guy looked pretty beat up, and was not super friendly as Shady's mom promised that Shady as. So I was at a predicament. Is this Shady? Do I save him? Did hear black, but she said white? Oh shit, what do I do now.... Oh double shit, caucasian Shady is running in to the street... oh shit, he almost gets smashed by a bus. Oh triple shit, I really gotta pee, and I'm a block from home, and I can't save replacement Shady when I have Maggie on the leash, because new Shady no likey Maggie, or me.

Instant reaction: Run like hell home, drop off Mags, pee like you're on the side of the road, (wash hands), grab leash, keys, run like hell back to Shady Sr. The next forty five minutes was me, following around my new friend, with the occasional warning bark from him telling me to follow a little further behind. It seemed as though he was heading towards original Shady's home address, so I thought I was on the right track.. The problem was, white slim shady did not want my help, and he was not happy with my following program. He attempted to jump in to traffic a few more times which is when I convinced myself that I had to help him, otherwise I would regret it for the rest of my life (by the way, in this situation, not such a good idea, because then when you have to give up, or call animal control, you wont' be able to sleep)...
I didn't call the animal fuzz, instead I discussed with this crazy old man on the street and he agreed that Shades did not want help, and he was fine on his own, and that he is white, so at least people can see him in the street. That made me feel better, so I walked home, feeling half like a jackass, and half like a nutjob.

So I get home, and take one of the best naps of my life, I'm pretty sure I didn't even take off my gloves or hat, and had Gladiator playing on my laptop...

Jules gets home, says everyone's going cosmic bowling at hollywood later... I wake up later, and have to make this choice... Go to gym, go play... hmm... I've been so good lately, I do want to bowl.. that's exercise, but then I would want some beers, or white russians, you're out of your element donny. So I compromise... I go to the gym at eleven, but I stay away from the machines, and hit the pool, the sauna, and the hot tub... I love how things come together, synchronicity happening all around... I get to the gym and Gladiator is playing on the tv in the locker room, right where I had left off, I shit you not... And mine was a dvd... random. I do some laps, then on to the sauna, where I met a really nice woman from Eugene. She's interested in getting involved more here in Portland, and has history with the cooperative business and living situations, so we exchanged information about the coop, farm, and Kellogg garden. Anyway, it was a really nice conversation, and I felt like five million dollars after swimming and sweating like whore in church. I love saunas, I want one in my backyard tomorrow.

Not really sure what all this means, but my soundtrack to the gym and back was some extremely satisfying Billy Joel, sometimes you just have to go there you know? That piano will make you start thinking, and save all the memories you've made in the last twenty four hours... no matter how insignificant they may seem.

And tomorrow on to bloody mary's with Chocolate pants at Mother's... Mmmm.
I love me some breakfast.
Virg

Street Roots Article: Kellogg Community Garden

SE Neighborhood Communities vs. Portland Public Schools
The Innovation and Proposition of a Community Garden in the abandoned Kellogg Middle School campus.


The food industry, “big food”, “big tobacco”, the dairy industry, the meat industry, industrial production versus the organic crusade—these are common terms today. Leave it to Portland to represent as one of the top organic and sustainable cities in the United States. We should be so proud; we are doing a great job, aren’t we? From the looks of a quick google search, Portland gives the glimpse of a green utopia, hand-in-hand with a new generation of driven hipsters ready to save the world and hold one another around a campfire made of recycled wood materials.

We also come up as number one on the vegetarian websites. We are even saving the animals, how perfect. My cynical approach is not to be mistaken for a lack of appreciation for my sharing and caring metropolitan. On the contrary, I’m sitting around that very campfire, with my pink fedora, used 501’s, and hemp chap stick that I purchased at my local food cooperative. I’m more than onboard with that whole program. I celebrate the entire collection of old-fashioned community values, and respect for locality and reduction of carbon footprints.

How is it though, that a city with such props and award winning reputations continues to struggle in the contribution and support of our low-income, and homeless populations? We are making efforts to take care of one another, as long as that “other” has a matching Subaru and exotic vegetable garden in their front yard.

We so smoothly disregard this group of Portlandians because of their obvious difference in lifestyle and values. Somehow we associate the homeless as one population, one race, one personality, one history, one story, internationally contingent. They don’t make the cut for our environmental rehabilitation priorities.

First and foremost, we have placed organic foods as the gateway to saving the world, and given it credit for helping to diminish our climbing obesity statistics. Enter Whole Foods stage left, please stock your shelves so obnoxiously with fancy produce and alien floral arrangements shipped from the other side of the world; now we’re really getting somewhere. Charge fourteen dollars per lemon to cover the price of that transportation, just tell people they are saving the rainforests by purchasing the lemon, it will all smooth over… at least in Forest Heights.

Directly after dropping a few benjamin’s on enough food for the first half of the work week, go ahead and walk straight out the door, past the Street Roots Vendor, and deny him your dollar for a piece of material actually worth your time, actually contributing directly to the well-being of a community member.

I’ve been that Whole Foods patron, many a time, it’s so easy to get sucked in to the “organic” and “local” jab. It’s better than hitting up your local McDeaths, but, there’s something else here worth acknowledging, something that we’re forgetting as a friendly and natural congregation of north westerners. We forgot about our own.

We’ve got family trying to get ahead right here in our city, next door, and we have misplaced the compassion for helping one another with a new pride jacket, an ignorant coat of assumptions leads us right past those working, working to get in to a home and consistent income situation, and takes us right in to our new favorite happy-hour of choice destination.

Hear me out, I’m still directly speaking as a hypocrite, just ask my new banana yellow skull and cross-bones water bottle I got for my road bike, it only set me back nineteen bucks. But let’s break this up a bit. We can’t diminish the whole industrial facility, or even get it out of Portland for that matter, there would be a stream of angry, and extremely tan females driving ridiculously large SUVs even more recklessly from the West Hills straight towards Northeast Portland on last Thursday, determined to take revenge upon those damn hippies.

But what we can do is uncover alternative options. We can incorporate the homeless and struggling populations in to our save the world adventures. It’s called a community garden. We have a lot of them in Portland. I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept.

Wouldn’t a community garden be essentially a pretty textbook fit for someone living without shelter, needing access to food, water… and drum roll please… work? Do these people even want to help in a community agriculture atmosphere you ask? If they do, I’m sure they’ll show up, maybe they just need an open invitation, and some slack from our ever so efficient city officials.


Operation Kellogg Community Garden: Phase 1

Here she is, the maiden voyage, kind of. There are and have been other community gardens in Portland, even garden’s built in to school campuses. However, this has a slightly new twist. This garden is open to everyone. Yes Sir?.. What about liability, security, trust factors? Sit down and take five to listen. We’re going to make this work. How hard is to fathom a place where everyone is welcome? If you do not feel safe with your neighbors unless they are receiving a steady paycheck, then you are more than welcome to hold my hand through the harvesting and growth of our little Kellogg plot. Or you could introduce yourself, and get to know why it is that they don’t have that paycheck.

Yes there will be obstacles, yes. It will be a labyrinth of agreements and liabilities around the regulations of the garden. I can’t really find anything in there that’s a good enough reason not to see it come to fruition. Everyone in the Northwest loves a challenge, that is why we live here (that and the huckleberries). I think that all of the American Gladiator episodes should be a Colorado native up against someone from the Northwest. And throw in someone from California as a wildcard.

So here is where we get our hands dirty. If you have come thus far, I will direct you to the homepage for the Kellogg Middle School Community Garden Project. We are in the works, we are open to suggestions, we want your input. Have a different campus/location in mind? Perhaps one of the eleven Portland Public Schools that was closed in the last year from budget loss—that is just sitting there, beautiful, empty, and bare, just like much of the new Pearl District residents and Wieden Kennedy employees?

Then come and dig in. We’re waiting.
http://commgardens.meetup.com/63/





THE FOLLOWING WAS TAKEN FROM WIKIPEDIA.COM...

Kellogg MS, Arleta, Atkinson, Creston, Woodstock
Superintendent Phillips is proposing to close Kellogg Middle School after one more school year due to declining enrollment and the potential of improving student achievement through K-8 schools in the neighborhood area.
Arleta and Creston elementary schools would transition to become a K-8 school, adding one grade level a year, starting with sixth grade in fall 2006.
Kellogg Middle School would serve only seventh- and eighth-grade students in 2006-07. In 2007-08, the remaining eighth-grade students would be assigned to Hosford Middle School, at 2303 SE 28th Place. The Kellogg building would close in fall 2007.
Atkinson Elementary students now are split between Mt. Tabor and Kellogg middle schools. Under this proposal, all neighborhood program students would be assigned to Mt. Tabor for sixth grade, starting in fall 2006. (Language immersion program students continue to Hosford.) Woodstock Elementary neighborhood program students, now assigned to Kellogg, would be assigned to attend Hosford (Woodstock language immersion students already feed into Hosford). Sellwood Middle School, Duniway, Grout, Lewis, Llewellyn elementary schools and Winterhaven K-8
Superintendent Phillips is asking the community to develop a proposal around schools located in and around the Sellwood-Moreland neighborhoods, including four elementary schools, Sellwood Middle School and Winterhaven, a focus option K-8 school.
The Superintendent wants to spur a community discussion of how to create strong schools in the area, each with enough students and teachers to support a strong curriculum. Another goal is for the community to develop a plan to consolidate programs into five of the six currently operating buildings (several of the current school buildings would require significant and expensive upgrades to keep operating into the future).
Options could include maintaining the current K-5 and middle school configuration but redrawing boundaries to move from four elementary schools to three. The community may also explore the option of transitioning some schools to a K-8 model. The school district’s area director and school principals will work with the school communities (including the school Site Councils and PTAs) and a community-based facilitator to develop a proposal to the Superintendent in the fall of 2006. Superintendent Phillips will then forward her recommendations to the School Board for a vote, with implementation of the plan to start in fall 2007.

From wikipedia.com

Click here to check out
The Portland Community Gardens Meetup Group!

social resonsibility

Hello friends,
You should all check out "Touching the Void", it is a book by Joe Simpson, and it was also
made in to a movie. They are both fantastic, an absolutely incredible survival story. It is
amazing what we are capable of when put in to a life and death situation.

Also, I have to mention my favorite book in the whole world "The Giving Tree", by Shel
Silverstein... I know we've all read it, but every time you go back and read it, it has a new
meaning in our current lives.

Everyone knows someone, or many
people who are angry at what is happening in our world. They choose to focus on the
negatives and add to the negative energy that is already there, by providing how much
they dislike that very thing. It's just like what Mother Theresa said about not going to
anti-war rallies... Instead, she said she to give her a pro-peace rally, and she would be
there. We already know that there are situations and people in this world that are
causing pain and destruction in many forms, we can mostly all attest and agree that
things like abuse, waste, pollution, war, social injustices, racism, sexism, and so on and
so forth do not contribute to the well being of eachother or our planet. However, to emit
negative energy about these issues is contributing to their power, and taking away from
our own.

I wonder how exactly we access the piece of our minds that acknowledges these
hardships and struggles, and not let it take us down. How do we go direclty in to survival
and proactive mode? It seems with many issues, that there is no hope, that we have
gone too far, and to give all of our efforts to such a thing is pointless. I wonder if we can
turn around what has become of industry and excess. We have so many commodities
and so much convenience and overproduction of just about everything here in the states,
that it is hard to imagine all the big box companies going out of business, all of the fast
food joints handing over the keys to local farms and nutritional/recyclable food and
products.... there I go on a rampage. The point being that how can it be flipped? It's too
big, so to complain about it, and "grieve" as the author said in Mountain Music, seems
fair.

I think that Social Responsibility maybe leads to the idea that we have a responsibility to
whatever we can personally aid, or however we can effect change, sans matter of size.
If we break down all the "big" issues, such as industrial production, and political
disasters, there are smaller catagories underneath. It's a breakdown and root system
that can be more easily accessed if we just take a hold at the bottom and chew on what
we can digest. It's like building untangling fishing wire, if you start at the end and follow
it up slowly, taking care of each little pain of a knot, eventually, you'll get closer to the
big knot... plus maybe by then, someone will come along and give you a hand.

This story really ties in to "the secret", I watched it again yesterday late at night, and I
realize I have to continue to remind myself to switch my thoughts from hopeless to
hopeful. It only takes a moment, but once I do, it's as if everything around me is more
supportive and you even start to see hope in things that have nothing to do with what
you've been worrying about. Like two beautiful rainbows downtown today after the rain,
wasn't it beautiful!!!!?

For those who read so far, thanks for letting me wander as I often do, and thanks for
listening!

tunnel vision

What does this kind of tunnel vision say about our society? Are we too pre-occupied to
open up and look around us to see where and how we can help? Yes, it's interesting isn't
it. I was driving home from work this weekend, and after turning off the stereo (it had
just started raining, and I wanted to listen to it)... I realized as I drove by all the people
walking on the streets late at night, that each one of those people was someone that I
missed interating with, because we were in different zones. I was doing focused on my
driving and ultimately getting home to bed. But they were walking through the beautiful
rain and talking to eachother. It is the same with cell phones and internet, it has cut off
a lot of alternate and old fashioned modes of communication. We do not talk to
eachother anymore, is there any way to avoid this? It's strange that just less than a
century ago it wasn't like that at all. All of this new tehnology and lifestyles of
accessibilty have come to be in the last few generations.

I wanted to mention a book that really ties in to all of this and the question that Heather
gave us. The book is called "Awareness" by Anthony De Mello. Also, I wanted to
mention the movie or the book, "The Secret". The more positive energy we put out
there, the more it moves around and affects others. I think there is a lot to be said for
positive and negative, doers and don'ters, and pesamists and optimists. You can choose
whether to smile at strangers, or make small efforts, and contribute to the better good,
even if it is in very small doses. I think that we are shaped and molded to be scared,
nervous, suspicious, and blinded in the ways that we grow up, but if we take the surface
off of our first impressions of the rest of the world, we can relate to everthing a lot
easier.

For myself, I wonder if I am doing these small acts of kindness for the right/wrong
reason. When I really think about it, I am helping others, whether it be just a common
courtesy, being polite in conversation, or helping them outside with their groceries, no
matter what size it is, I am ultimately doing it to feel better about myself. Is that selfish?
Anthony De Mello talks about just this in his book, it's really incredible. I'm going to have
to read it again. I think that's about it for now, what I'm really trying to get at is that we
just have to decide and make a choice to step outside the mold, even if it goes against
our upbringing or our standard or norm, we choose to pay it forward, there it is. One by
one, I think that it could have a domino effect, and eventually we all will be looking out
for eachother....

"The things that you are aware of, you are in control of... The things that you are not
aware of, control you". ~Anthongy De Mello

Thanks for Listening.
Virginia